It begins…

My pants are too big.

Not because I’ve lost weight. Au contraire. Because they are maternity pants, technically built to fit two people, and I am only one person who hasn’t been pregnant in two years. I’m also wearing a nursing bra. I think I’ve worn the same bra almost every day for the last 4 years (with very occasional washing).  For the record, I am also not nursing. My daughter who is almost four has never been to the dentist. I just remembered that I haven’t brushed my teeth today.

Why I am writing this? Why do I feel compelled to blog? Who am I writing to?

I don’t know how I feel about these pants. They’re comfortable. They protect me from the elements and from anyone knowing how long it has been since I last shaved. They are black so they look kind of professional. They were clean. They button. I’m sure there are additional criteria that many people consider when they get dressed, but do I have to? Is it going to get in the way of living a good life if I don’t think about those other criteria? I know the guys who conceived of and directed The Lego Movie. Do they put a lot of thought in the morning into which pants they are wearing? (They are my inspiration this week – just two guys that I knew in college, normal kinds of folk, and in my local newspaper two days ago there was a giant picture of all of these kids dressed up as characters from the movie. They MADE that.)

Why am I starting here? Why is this the first time I’ve felt compelled to write and why this topic? It grabbed hold of me. I was thinking about climate change and snakes (more soon), about You Tube videos and songs, about comedy, about very seriousness. I was thinking about a quote I read yesterday on James Altucher’s blog:

Isabelle Allende says, “Once a writer is born into a family, the family is over.”

Is it fair to my family to blog?

I have all of these ideas and nowhere to put them and so much that I feel like I’m supposed to be doing that I can’t keep up with so why in the name of all that is sane would I start something new? Something that, incidentally, I have tried before and could not keep up with.

I was thinking about my pants, and about standards and to do lists. Thinking about how to do less, to be ok with doing less. Thinking about the fact that I am a rich woman. Rich in all respects (health, family, friends, opportunities, etc). And financially in the sense that I have a job, my husband has a job, we both earn more than the minimum wage (which, incidentally is currently $7.25 in America, though it varies by state. Note to self, write about money in the near future). Does anybody want to read a blog written by a rich, white, mom/woman who is not writing about being a mom or a woman (but who may occasionally mention things that put her very squarely in that category for example things about maternity pants and nursing bras)?

What do I want to write about? I want to not have to be serious. But I want to be able to be thoughtful and honest. Conservation International has launched a series of videos that are interpretations of what forces of nature would say to humanity (if we could but hear them). You can see them all here. Watching these videos, I feel a deep longing to DO something. And by do something I don’t mean make a donation or sign a petition or post something on social media (which ironically is exactly what I’m doing here, though maybe there is more to it when you actually write down your own thoughts?). I don’t want to tweet a URL to raise a dollar and I don’t want to replace a lightbulb. I don’t want to buy my way out of this. (Though I do want to be ready to put my money where my mouth is. Is that still something people say? It sounds rude?) I want to do something. And on that note, I don’t want to just not do something – I don’t want to focus on what to avoid or on the harm that I’m doing through this choice or that choice. (Though that too is essential and I will to do that as well.)

What I want is to DO something. To make something, to create something, to try something, to meet someone, to inspire someone, to change myself, to reinvent something, to improve something, to learn something. To live and to make a difference through what I do, not through what I avoid or how I consume.

So that’s where I am today.