Introducing… Word of the day

Within any blog’s architecture, there are various complex tools for categorizing and tagging posts. I’ve recently learned that these are called ‘categories’ and ‘tags’. Now, I haven’t started exploring ‘tags’ yet, but I’m all over the categories section. So far, here is the list of categories I have considered having on The Jenaissance blog:

Soul searching (see posts 1, 2 and 3)

Mommy blogs (see posts 4 and 5. Objective: 25% or fewer of blogs, current reality: 33%)

Stone Soup (possibly my favorite potential category but I can’t spill the beans yet)

In the news (my first post in this category will be on snakes and climate change. I’ve been waiting to write this post for about two years and I have a draft. Stay tuned. It’s a doozy.)

Product reviews (this is where I write about products that I highly, highly do not endorse. I haven’t worked out the business model for this yet since many blogs monetize themselves by providing product endorsements. I, on the other hand, want to tell you how furious I am with a small number of products and/or corporate policies. My first review will be for the Kensington Key Folio 2, an ipad holder and wireless keyboard that I love with all of my heart and has become a key factor in my ‘huge success’ as a blogger. I am furious with Kensington in that they do not offer replacement parts for this ipad accessory. So if I lose a charger, for example, I have to buy a whole new case. THIS IS AN OUTRAGE! I know that unfortunately in posting this non-endorsement I am telling readers that I use and adore this product. BUT I WILL FIND A SUBSTITUTE IF I EVER LOSE MY CHARGER, THIS I SWEAR TO YOU KENSINGTON. I WILL SEE THIS BLOG BURN TO THE GROUND BEFORE I EVER BUY AN ENTIRE NEW DEVICE JUST TO GET A NEW CHARGER, YOU SCOUNDRELS. YOU MIGHT CHARGE ME $20 FOR THE CHARGER, THIS I EXPECT. BUT IT IS A CRIME AGAINST HUMANITY AND LANDFILLS EVERYWHERE IF YOU DO NOT OFFER A REPLACEMENT CHARGER. (Now, if someone from Kensington, who I admittedly have not called, wants to refute this claim and contact me to let me know how I might obtain a replacement charger, I will publicly apologize for these praise-filled yet maligning and defamatory remarks (another benefit of reading this blog is that there are vocabulary exercises built-in)).

Brief aside: Have you noticed that I really, really like to use parentheses? (I do.)

Ok, back to categories.

Guest blogger: a real life scientist (this is where a real life scientist that I know weighs in on some of the day’s most controversial subjects and breaks it down for us simple folks. I know a lot of scientists and some of them can be funny (looking – ha ha), just kidding. I’m also sort of a scientist in one of my alter-egos so, you know, they’re cool. I’m not saying I’m cool. Just that I think scientists can be cool. Not as the rule, but as a more frequent exception than you might imagine.

And…. Drumroll please…. The final category that I have in mind for now is…. Word of the Day. This is where I introduce a word or phrase to which I plan to refer frequently throughout the life of this blog and explain what it means to me. Some of the words I plan to treat first in this segment are ‘ham crust’ – this is the term I have created for what has legitimately become my favorite breakfast. Imagine a sandwich made of artisanal multi-grain bread, organic, free-range ham and emmentaler cheese, creole mustard and a generous slathering of Hellmann’s mayo. This is the sandwich I make each day for my 3-year-old’s lunchbox. I then remove the crusts per client specs and what remains is what has come to be, for me, a substantial, filling and emotionally satisfying breakfast treat. I found myself, this very morning, celebrating the fact that: It’s Monday! Hooray for ham crusts!

Word #2: Crypothesis. This is sort of like the game chicken and hypothesis-testing rolled into one. Imagine your child has woken up from a nap. She’s upstairs. The babygate is locked. She can’t unlock it. You are downstairs on the couch taking a nap (for the first time in 3 months – don’t think I sit around napping all of the time). You hear her making little noises to try to get someone’s attention to let her downstairs. BUT there is a chance if no one responds she will go quietly to her room and happily play in there for another 20-30 minutes. You think to yourself, Is this a testable crypothesis? Either she will go play quietly and I can rest, or she’ll start making weird animal noises right outside of her brother’s room and they will both be awake (leading to me crying, just a little bit). The end result of any crypothesis testing is usually either me crying, or both kids and me crying. Now that I see this in writing it seems like testing crypotheses is not ever a great idea. But, strangely, it always feels like the right decision.

And my final word today is not really a word, more of a concept and I’m still searching for a word. I found myself wondering this morning about whether there is a term for what I am: highly dysfunctional doesn’t quite capture it.  ‘Dysductive’? See, I’m somewhat dysfunctional. But also highly productive. I can get a s**t ton of stuff done in a day, it just isn’t usually the stuff that I’m ‘supposed’ to get done. My sister-in-law told me once, when I asked her how she was so productive and on top of her game, that she often takes time when she’s in the shower to think through the ‘big plays’ of the day and make sure the food for dinner is defrosting, that she has everything in order to go to work, take care of her kids, sew a new costume, make a 5-course dinner, make homemade candy, redecorate her house, train a dog, raise money for charity, translate Greek poetry, and look great. When I’m in the shower, I’m usually thinking about awesome words like ‘crypothesis’ or the new app I want to design or just wondering where the last 10 minutes went.

This blog is a great example. I’m actually moving this Friday to a new house. Huge deal. All of the (too many) objects in my house of four people have to be boxed and moved and unboxed. Plus all of the utilities changed, plus the new house is a ‘fixer upper’ so the deceased vermin have to be removed from under the stove (etc). And yet I found time last week to start a new blog, post almost daily, sign up for guitar lessons, and record a You Tube video.

Who do I think I am? My daughter still has not had a flu shot, has not been to the dentist (ever). I pulled a dirty shirt out of the hamper this morning to wear to work. I’ve been dehydrated for literally a whole week. I can’t even provide myself with enough water. Back to the question of sanity.

I guess I feel like if I stop now, maybe the Jenaissance will lose momentum. And I just can’t risk it. I’m sorry family. I love you guys and I promise I will figure out a way to pack and unpack those boxes. The vermin will be gone. I will deep clean those cabinets. I will figure out what to do about that poison ivy. I will schedule the flu shot. They are baby teeth, so, can we let that one slide? No, ok. I’ll do that too. I will order the Thanksgiving turkey (a raw one that I will then cook with the traditional sides, etc). I will make the Christmas list. I will be thoughtful. I will reach out to friends. I will give money to charity. I will brush my teeth (note to self, as soon as you finish writing this remember to brush your teeth).

But it’s taken me 12 years to start this and I don’t want to stop.